» From "Chris Blogs About Taking Dawn's Time On The Road With SLASH!!!" // October 13, 2010 7:54:30 PM UTC

Ok so. You just fucked up my whole lunch hour. Looking down at my iPhone, I literally stopped mid-walk, caused a few business bankers to skid into my back, and issued the most obnoxious laugh I think has ever come from my throat.

It's safe to say--well, not safe but I'm gonna fucking say it--that I am in love with your skinny rocker ass. If a dude can shred AND use words like "nonchalance," "pilfering," and "idiosyncrasies" correctly, they automatically get a free annual pass into Pantyland. I already knew you were fucking hilarious, now I see that you could also hold your own in a Scrabble game against me (a feat that most guys could never accomplish...or...really want to attempt in the first place...damn). Anyway! Keep up the blogging. And Maralee and I will pay you in curse-laden blog comments and "likes" on your Facebook.

Now I'm sitting here, getting grass stains on my grey slacks, instead of eating my damn turkey sandwich and jogging around the corporate plaza. And my unpaid 60 minutes are up-- I curse your lack of a 9-5 work day. Hurry up and come back to Cali already, so I can molest you for being the baddest motherfucker with the best vocabulary.